Topic 6. The psychology of conflict. 6.1. Conflict - ineffective communication.

The basic condition for successful communication is that the behavior of the interacting people meets their expectations. Of course, one cannot even imagine that communication always and under all circumstances proceeds smoothly and is devoid of internal contradictions. In some situations, there is disagreement, antagonism of positions, reflecting the presence of mutually exclusive values, tasks and goals, which sometimes turns into mutual hostility - a conflict arises.

What is a conflict, everyone knows. And most of the word causes unpleasant associations. People who create a conflict or, besides their own will, fall into it, usually seek to complete it as soon as possible in the best way possible for themselves. Few are interested in the conflict itself. But how to bring the conflict to a happy end?

Everyone decides this question, based on their ideas about a particular conflict situation and its actors, about their goals and the goals of their opponents, about what can and should be done and what can not be done, etc. "All happy families are alike to each other, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, ”so begins the novel by L.N. Tolstoy on the tragic life conflict of Anna Karenina. Conflicts, like unhappy families, do not resemble each other. But for its history, mankind has accumulated vast experience both in setting up and in resolving a wide variety of conflicts - from children's quarrels to world wars. The study and synthesis of this experience led in the XX century to the emergence of a special science - conflict science.

You can live without the word "conflict", but you can not live without conflict. It is symptomatic that “conflict” is one of those international words that delight translators; they do not need translation, because both are clear: both the sound and their meaning are approximately the same in all languages. This is not an accident. From this, at first glance, purely linguistic act, it is possible to extract some interesting conclusions that go beyond linguistics. Firstly, there is an obvious need for a general concept, which covers various options for clashes, disputes, fights, etc. And secondly, this fact shows that everywhere on earth people living in a wide variety of conditions encounter a phenomenon that is denoted by the word "conflict". "If there are no conflicts in your life, check whether you have a pulse."

Since conflicts in our lives are inevitable, it remains to take care to reduce the harm that they can bring, and, if possible, to extract at least some benefit from them. In the end, as the proverb says, there is no evil without good. To live in peace and harmony is wonderful, but still somewhat boring. Conflicts add to the life of some "peppercorn", which allows you to more acutely feel the beauty of peace and harmony. But, of course, it is necessary that the bitterness of such a “peppercorn” does not become a poison. And for this you need to know what to do with the conflict so that it does not spoil our life.

It is known that in riding schools they do not praise a rider who has rested on a rearing horse, since it is clear to a knowledgeable person that under an experienced rider the horse will not rearry. Similarly, in the area of ​​interpersonal relationships: the greatest praise is those who prevent conflicts or at least quench them in the bud.

Conflict is a dynamic, spontaneous and little predictable phenomenon, but it is still possible to control it. To do this, you need to know the following:

·       how to prevent conflict   threatening to ruin the good relations between people and drag them into the quagmire of squabbles, intrigues, endless disputes and "fights" that are dangerous for life and health;

·       how to behave during a conflict   to reduce the intensity of passions and make the experience less painful;

·       how to complete the conflict with the least losses and even with a possible win.

Since conflicts are always associated with a clash of interests and views of people, the psychological factor plays an enormous role in their origin, development and resolution.

Thus, conflicts often arise due to differences in the interpretation of the situation in the area of ​​disagreement. The story told by A.P. Chekhov. The writer once met a criminal who killed a stranger who was sitting with him at one table in a restaurant. The reason was the loud champing of the unwitting neighbor. Unfortunately, the perceptions of the food style of the victim and the murderer did not match. For the occurrence of a conflict, it does not matter whether the situation is as it is seen, the U. Thomas theorem comes into play: "If the situation is defined as real, it is real in its consequences." With reference to a conflict, this means: if a person considers a conflict situation to be real, then this entails real conflict consequences.

If a conflict has arisen, then before “getting involved in a fight,” it is necessary to weigh all possible pros and cons in the alleged conflict and ask a few questions.

·       Are there really contradictions that make it worth conflict?

·       Is it possible to solve the problems in other ways, without resorting to conflict?

·       Are there any guarantees that the desired results will be achieved in the upcoming conflict?

·       What will be the price of victory or defeat for both sides?

·       What are the possible consequences of a conflict?

If interpersonal conflict could not be prevented, the problem of its resolution and settlement arises. It is necessary to clearly define the subject of the dispute, to delineate the boundaries of mutual claims, to identify the positions of the parties. All this opens up the next stage in the development of the conflict - the stage of joint search for options for its resolution.

It is customary to single out five typical strategies (styles) for getting out of the conflict.

one.   Adaptation, assignment (smoothing of contradictions, changing their position, restructuring behavior).

2   Compromise (mutual concessions).

3   Cooperation (joint development of a solution that satisfies the interests of all parties, finding a new, “third” path).

four.    Leaving, ignoring (refusal to resolve the conflict, flight, “ostrich” policy of non-intervention).

five.     Rivalry, competition (stubborn upholding of its position).

Each of these strategic positions has its own “pluses” and “minuses”, and the choice of an appropriate style of behavior is always situational.

The following story is instructive.

One person inherited 18 camels in the inheritance of three sons and bequeathed to divide them like this: half of the herd should go to the elder brother, one third to the middle one, and the ninth to the youngest. But on the day of his father’s death one of the camels also died. The sons could not fulfill the mandate of the father, since seventeen is not divided into two, or three, or nine. A wise and kind neighbor helped me: “Let's see what happens if you take my camel,” she said to the discouraged young men. Thus, the sons had eighteen camels, the eldest took his half, i.e. nine. The middle son took a third, i.e. six. And the youngest received a ninth part - two camels. In total, there were seventeen camels, one turned out to be superfluous and returned to the neighbor.

Like a wise woman, you must always try to step aside a little and look at the problem from a fresh perspective, that is, find your “eighteenth camel”.

A joint search for a way out of a conflict also implies compliance with a number of conditions, for example:

-    to separate the real causes of the conflict from the incident (occasion);

-    focus on problems, not emotions;

-   act according to the “here and now” principle, that is, resolve an immediate conflict, and not recall other controversial events and facts;

-   create an environment of equal participation in the search for possible solutions to the conflict;

-    be able to listen and hear another; speak only for himself;

-      demonstrate respect for your opponent, not “personalize”;

-    create a climate of mutual trust and cooperation.

If negative emotional background prevails (hostility, resentment, mistrust, suspicion, etc.) it is good to use the so-called indirect methods of resolving interpersonal conflict.

Consider some of them.

Method of exit feelings. A person is given the opportunity to express sore, “let off steam” of negative emotions. After this, there is a predisposition to search for constructive solutions to controversial issues.

The method of positive attitude to the individual. To the conflicting person, the opponent must show his sympathy, give a positive assessment of his personal qualities, i.e., figuratively speaking, “stroke the head”. In response, there is a desire to justify a positive assessment.

The intervention method of the authoritative third. When a neutral person gives assessments and advice, it causes more confidence than if the opponent himself acts.

Reception of naked aggression. In the form of a game in the presence of a third person, opponents are given to speak out about the sore.

Receiving a forced hearing of an opponent. Conflicting set the condition to carefully listen to each other, and each when answering an opponent must first play his last cue. It is rather difficult to do this, because in a dispute everyone hears only himself, attributing to his opponent words and tone, which in reality was not. Bias becomes apparent, and the intensity of tension subsides.

Reception of exchange of positions. Conflicting offer to make claims from the standpoint of his opponent. This will help them to go beyond their personal grievances, goals, and interests and to better understand their opponent.

Expanding the horizon of the disputants. This is an attempt to bring the conflicting beyond the subjective perception of the conflict and help to see the situation as a whole, with all possible consequences.

Of undoubted practical interest is the “Code of Conduct in a Conflict,” developed by N.М. Vlasova. The basis of this code is the following 12 rules.

1. Give your partner "let off steam."

The best reception at these moments is to imagine that there is a shell (aura) around you, through which the arrows of aggression do not pass.

2. Ask him to calmly justify the claims.

But say that you will take into account only the facts and objective evidence. Don't let facts and emotions be confused.

3. Shoot down aggression with unexpected tricks.

For example, say a compliment, express sympathy, remind you of what you were bound in the past, etc. The main thing is that all of this should help the furious person switch from negative emotions to positive ones.

4. Do not give him negative evaluations, but talk about your feelings.

Do not say: "You are a rude person!" - better say: "I am very upset by the way you talk to me."

The “I-statement” psycho-technology helps to reduce resistance from the interlocutor and to create special trust relationships, since the “I-statement” is not done in a critical, accusatory manner. A person conveys information about his feelings and experiences, that is, describes his experience, and this, as practice shows, it is difficult to make a call and provoke a defensive reaction of the opponent - after all, it’s about his own, and not about other people's experience.

In contrast to “I-statements”, the statement like “You are statements” acts defiantly on the interlocutor and gives rise to a defensive reaction on his part. You can verify the examples given in Appendix. eleven.

5. People - separately, problems - separately.

Deal with the problem, not with each other.

6. Offer your opponent to express their views and their solutions.

Do not stop at the first acceptable option, but create a range of options. The search should be mutually acceptable solutions, so that there would be no winners and losers.

7. In any case, give the partner "save your face."

Do not hurt the dignity of your opponent, for he will not forgive this, even if he yields to pressure. Do not affect his personality, and give an assessment only of actions and deeds. You can say: “You have not fulfilled your promise twice,” but you cannot say: “You are an optional person.”

8. Reflect as an echo the meaning of his statements and claims.

It seems that everything is clear, and yet: “did I understand you correctly?”, “Did you mean to say ...?”, “Let me retell to make sure I understood you correctly ...” This tactic eliminates misunderstandings and, except Moreover, it demonstrates attention to a person, and this contributes to a decline in aggressiveness.

9. Hold firmly on an equal footing.

Most people, when shouting at them or accusing them, also shout back or try to keep silent in order to extinguish the wrath of another. Both of these positions (above - "parent", or below - "childish") are ineffective.

Hold firmly the position of calm confidence (position "on equal" - "adult"). She keeps her partner from aggression, helps "not to lose your face."

10. Do not be afraid to apologize if you feel guilty.

Firstly, it disarms the opponent, and secondly, causes him respect. After all, only self-confident people are able to apologize.

11. Issue the accepted agreement and stipulate the relationship for the future.

12. Regardless of the results of conflict resolution, try not to destroy the relationship.

Express your respect and disposition to your opponent in order to maintain the possibility of future cooperation with him. No wonder they say: "Do not spit in the well, it is useful to get drunk water."

We must change our behavior in a conflict by reviewing our internal attitudes, for it is they who determine our behavior in a conflict rampage. The practice confirms the wisdom of the “OVST method”, which concentrates on five main attitudes of rational behavior in conflict. They are easy to remember, they begin with the letter “O”, and then they follow the letters of the Russian alphabet (P, P, C, T).

About - “open mind”.

P - “positive thinking”.

R - "rational thinking."

C - "cooperation".

T - "tolerance."

The dialectic of life teaches to be wise and patient. Someone from the ancients called tolerance and condescension the highest virtues. Lack of wisdom is not a crime, but a loss of many possibilities.

Noteworthy is the story that happened to the European teacher of martial arts, who came to Japan to improve their skills. Once a subway car in Tokyo, in which he was driving, burst into a hefty drunken fellow who shouted threats and curses. The coach decided that it was his time - he would be able to show his art and tame the ruffian. But before he could do this, an old Japanese man sitting next to him asked a drunk man what he was drinking. Cursing, he replied that he was drinking sake. The old man smiled and, with a tongue ticking, said that in the evenings he sometimes loves to drink sake with his wife, and then asked if the boy was married, to which he replied that he was alone.

After a couple of minutes his head was lying on the old man’s lap, he was saying something quietly, and the old man, shaking his head, listened.

For the coach it was the most important martial arts lesson. The old man did not need to assert himself or hide, he did not succumb to the external aggressiveness of a drunk person, but was able to see behind her loneliness and helplessness, accept him and help.

One of the main obstacles in communication between people is the false confidence that all people think and feel in approximately the same way. In fact, a person needs to communicate in the world in which he lives. Just as we translate from English to Russian, without being surprised that there are people who speak a different language, you need to translate the words of one person into the language of another. For it is better to look for the lost not where it is lighter, but where it lies. A necessary condition for such a skillful and unusual “translation” is, first of all, the ability to listen to one’s interlocutor.  

     Perhaps the greatest difficulty is the formulation of the essence of a conflict situation. Therefore, the head needs to learn the basic rules for formulating a conflict situation . Here they are:

             RULE 1.

Remember that a conflict situation is something that needs to be fixed.

Consequently, the following wording is not suitable: “a conflict situation is in this person” (or “... in the socio-economic situation”, or “... in shortage of vehicles on the line”), etc., because we have no right to eliminate a person at all; None of us will change the socio-economic situation alone and the number of buses on the line will not increase !!!

RULE 2.

A conflict situation always occurs before a conflict.

The conflict also occurs simultaneously with the incident. Thus, the conflict situation precedes the conflict and the incident.

It is not by chance that in the conflict formula the conflict situation comes first, then the incident and then the conflict !!!

RULE 3.

The wording should tell you what to do.

For example, conflict situations have shown that it is necessary to continue to behave more patiently, to prevent the fall of its image, authority !!!

RULE 4.

Ask yourself “why?” Questions until you get to the root cause, from which others flow.

If we use the analogy with a weed, then this means: do not pull out only a part of the root, the rest will reproduce the weed anyway !!!

RULE 5.

Formulate a conflict situation in your own words, if possible without repeating words from the conflict description.

The bottom line is that when considering a conflict it is usually said a lot about its visible sides, that is, about the external manifestation of the conflict or about the incident. К пониманию конфликтной ситуации мы подходим после некоторых умозаключений и обобщений (объединения) разнородных   составляющих. Так и появляются в ее формулировке слова, которых не было в первоначальном описании.

ПРАВИЛО 6.

В формулировке обойдитесь минимумом слов.

Когда слов слишком много, мысль не конкретна, появляются побочные нюансы и т.п. Вот уж как нигде уместен афоризм «краткость – сестра таланта»!!!

Конфликты бывают открытыми и скрытыми. Первые лежат на поверхности, а вторые спрятаны за ширму благоприятных отношений. Скрытые конфликты можно распознать лишь по косвенным   проявлениям . Руководителю нужно иметь представление о признаках конфликтных ситуаций на производстве.

Наиболее характерными признаками конфликтных ситуаций в трудовых коллективах являются:

а) факты унижения достоинства личности в официальной или неофициальной обстановке;

б) резкое изменение в отношении к работе (функциональным обязанностям);

в) факты уклонения от выполнения указаний, распоряжений непосредственных начальников;

г) замкнутость, уединение, подавленность отдельных лиц;

д) формальная постановка работы по управлению персоналом;

е) негативные суждения о жизни и деятельности сослуживцев и др.

Исследование конфликтов в организациях показывает, что главным условием их возникновения является нарушение нравственных форм взаимоотношений между сотрудниками и организации самого процесса производства. Наблюдения свидетельствуют о том, что чем больше в коллективе людей, удовлетворенных трудом, тем благоприятнее нравственно-психологический климат в нем, тем более развито товарищество и взаимопомощь и, наоборот, чем больше неудовлетворенных трудом, тем хуже атмосфера в коллективе, тем чаще вспыхивают различные конфликты. В некоторых организациях руководители вынуждены 50 % и более своего рабочего времени затрачивать на изучение и улаживание различных конфликтных взаимоотношений.

Всех работников по приверженности к конфликтам можно разделить на три группы: устойчивые, удерживающиеся и конфликтные. Численность третьей группы составляет около 6 – 7 % от всей численности организации. Это трудные люди, создающие различные эксцессы в системе управления, и тактика взаимоотношений с ними требует от руководителя достаточных знаний и психологической тонкости.

Рассмотрим основные типы «трудных» людей и приемлемые варианты общения с ними.

«Бешеный бульдозер».

Грубый, бесцеремонный тип, всюду ломящийся напролом. В общении с ним главное – невозмутимость. Дайте «бульдозеру» перебеситься. Не пытайтесь возражать или спорить, и ярость его постепенно сойдет на нет. Когда это произойдет, можете излагать свою точку зрения, делая, впрочем, вид, что не сомневаетесь в его правоте, иначе он снова на вас кинется и попытается раздавить.

«Тайный пакостник».

Гнусный тип, плетущий интриги и строящий козни за вашей спиной. Его оружие – предательство и вероломство. Не важно, кто он – ваш подчиненный или ваш деловой партнер, главное, что он ничем не гнушается и всегда роет вам яму. Обезвредить «тайного пакостника» можно, если эту яму ему показать и намекнуть, что он сам может туда угодить. Обнаружив, что его козни раскрыты, пакостник приутихнет, он не действует на свету.

«Агрессивный ребенок».

Человек по натуре незлой, но взрывной (зачастую по той причине, что сам в себе не уверен). Если дать ему выкричаться, он скоро утихомирится, как ребенок, которому вернули игрушку. В таком состоянии из него можно вить веревки, но… до нового взрыва.

«Нытик».

Вечно ноет и жалуется, ощущая себя жертвой роковых обстоятельств. В любом событии высматривает угрозу, в своих бедах всегда винит окружающих. На жизнь в целом и на свою работу в частности смотрит весьма мрачно и потому имеет кучу проблем. Если нытик сочтет, что причина всех его бед – вы, не пробуйте возражать, здравый смысл тут не проходит. Скажите (с легкой долей высокомерия), что приняли его слова к сведению, и держитесь на расстоянии, иначе заработаете ревматизм плечевого сустава. Нытик любит плакать в жилетку. Особенно тем, кто, как ему кажется, «не оправдывает его лучших надежд».

«Мямля».

Весьма неуверенный в себе человек, пуще всего на свете страшащийся перемен. Мнется, жмется, не смотрит в глаза и никогда не принимает решений, ожидая, что проблема разрешится сама собой.

Unscrupulous type, capable of shameless lies and forgery for their own purposes. Building his career, strides over the heads, not disdaining the dirtiest methods. Those who trust him, take advantage of themselves, breaking people's fates.

"Dynamo".

"Maximalist".

He sees only half tones. Very categorical in judgments. He evens his point of view, even if it goes against his personal interests. Sharp and subjective in the estimates. The one who behaves “correctly” is a friend. The one who does not belong

It accumulates in itself insults and irritations, in no way showing its true feelings, until they reach a critical point. Then, like a bulldog, he rushes at the offender, but he does not understand where it has come from. You can never guess what he thinks, it is difficult to call for frankness. Such people are unpredictable, they should not be hurt again. Noticing that the silence is "pouting" on you, try to delicately find out what is the matter. The situation, which was allowed to take its course, can be discharged by a far-reaching conflict.

Such a classification of conflict types can help a manager to develop his own behavioral stereotypes, however, for a successful exit from conflict situations, it is necessary to master the general tactical principles of behavior in an explosive atmosphere:

-   determine the psychological characteristics of the person, his strengths and weaknesses;

-   do not fall under its influence, keep calm;

-    Listen carefully and try to find a way to satisfy their interests;

-   Use a collaborative approach to conflict resolution.

Of course, conflict forecasting and prevention deserves special attention, since it is much easier to prevent it than to resolve it constructively.

Conflict prevention should go along the following main lines:

a) the creation of objective conditions that prevent the occurrence of conflict situations (working and rest conditions, housing, salary, development of the necessary regulatory procedures, etc.).

b) optimization of organizational and management activities (functionality of the interconnections of departments, quality of management decisions, observance of the principle of equity, etc.).

c) blocking personal and socio-psychological causes of conflicts.

In this regard, this kind of management as criticism, which, for all its undesirability, is inevitable at the same time, and therefore requires adherence to certain rules and approaches, deserves serious attention. To give the criticism positivity and improve its efficiency, the manager should be well-intentioned, instead of a general assessment, always offer a clear structural analysis of the situation and carefully choose the form of criticism.

Critical ratings may be:

one.   Encouraging criticism: “You’ll do better next time. And now - did not work.

2   Criticism-reproach: “Well, what are you? I was counting on you so much! ”Or“ Oh, you! I had a higher opinion of you! "

3   Criticism hope: "I hope that next time you will make this task better."

four.   Criticism-analogy: "Before, when I was like a young specialist, you also made the exact same mistake. Well, I got it from my boss!"

five.    Criticism, praise: "The work is done well, but not for this purpose? Tea."

6   Criticism-concern: "I am very concerned about the current state of affairs, because the whole team is responsible for not completing this task on time."

7   Impersonal criticism: "There are still workers in our team who do not cope with their duties. We will not give their last names. I think that they themselves will draw proper conclusions for themselves."

eight.   Criticism-empathy: "I understand you well, I come into your position, but you also understand me. After all, the matter is not done."

9.   Criticism is regret: "I am very sorry, but I must note that your work was done poorly."

ten.   Criticism-surprise: "How ?! Really you haven't done it yet? I didn't expect ..."

eleven.   Criticism-irony: "They did, did, and ... did. Work is necessary.   But how are we going to look into the eyes of the authorities ?! "

12.   Criticism hint: "I knew one person who did exactly the same thing as you. Then he had a bad time ..."

13.   Criticism-mitigation: "Probably not only you are guilty of what happened ..."

14.   Criticism-reproach: "What did you do so carelessly? Yes, and not at the right time!"

15.   Criticism remark: "They did not do that. Next time, consult if you do not know how to do the task!"

sixteen.   Criticism warning: "If you once again allow a marriage, blame yourself!"

17   Criticism-requirement: "You will have to redo the job!"

18.   Criticism challenge: "If you have made so many mistakes, decide for yourself how to get out of the situation."

nineteen.   Criticism advice: "I advise you not to get excited, wait, cool off and tomorrow with new forces, analyze what and how to fix it."

20.   Constructive criticism: "The work was done incorrectly. What exactly are you going to do?" Or: "The job is not done. Consider using this option."

21.   Criticism-fear: "I very much fear that the next time the work will be performed at the same level."

22   Criticism is a cry: "Stop! What are you doing? How can you do this work?"

23.    Criticism-insult: "Oh, you! I did not expect this from you! Where is your conscience ?!"

24    Criticism patronage: "Yes! It did not work! Well, nothing, I will help you."

25   Criticism of the threat: "I am forced to apply the most stringent disciplinary measures to you."

Fig. 1.5.6. Conduct in conflict.