2 Foundation of etiquette

Are there any universal rules that are recognized (or could be used) by people of different social groups, of different ages, of different countries and nations? There are no such common, universal rules, although there is a general principle on which they are built. This principle is the so-called “golden rule of morality” , which in one form or another is a criterion of the moral behavior of all civilized peoples. And there is this rule throughout the history of mankind. In any case, in the famous cultural monuments that have come down to us for almost two and a half thousand years. Peoples and civilizations changed, but the “golden rule” remained.

In the ancient Indian epic “Mahabharata” (V century BC) there are such lines: “Those actions of others that people don’t want for themselves, that they don’t accept themselves, shouldn’t do to other people”.

Biblical sayings are known: “What you hate to yourself, do not do that to anyone,” “And in everything you want people to do with you, do so with you, for this is the law and the prophets”, “And whatever you want so that they do it to you, so do you. ”

The same form and meaning of the word we find in the ancient ethics: “Beware of what you disapprove of others” (Cato), “Do not do what you blame others” (Publiy Sikh).

As Diogen Laertsky writes, to the question: “What kind of life is the best?”, The ancient Greek philosopher Thales answered: “When we do not do what we condemn in others.”

Famous Russian writer and thinker of the XVIII century D.I. Fonvizin, as it were, develops this rule into two parts, using the concepts of “chastity” and “virtue”. Purity, he delivers the rule not to do that to another, which he would not wish himself, and the virtue - “spreads this rule much further and tells him to do something else, which he would like to himself.”

In one way or another, the popular wisdom keeps and transmits this thought: “You also receive what you want for the people”. “Do not do to others what you do not wish for yourself.”

However, the real norms of “what you want” and “not willing”, and the estimated in the society estimated ideas of “what you should”, have changed significantly with changes in societies and public consciousness. In addition, the actual behavior of people and their real morals do not always coincide with official standards. So it has always been in the history of mankind, so it is now. At different times, at different times, these two behavioral characteristics may converge, and then people's behavior meets the requirements of social morality, but there are times of domination of lies and pharisaism, and then, alas, they diverge in different directions.

Each society, each community group develops its own system of values, and hence its own criteria for “proper” behavior. And in fact at all times, each person himself chose the “middle ground”, which was determined by the requirements of society and his own criteria of the possible.

The etiquette rules are a component of a complex system of the moral sphere of human life activity. The main structural parts of this sphere are:

• moral relations;
• moral activity;
• moral behavior;

Moral relations are a set of actions done not for reasons of profit, but by the dictates of conscience, according to the criterion of justice and good. The fundamentally, historically, the first form of moral relations is friendship. From it later grew partnership, cooperation, mutual assistance, love.

The history of morality knows many different forms of community of people based on the feeling of friendship and affection: male and female unions, fraternalism, monastic orders, religious and moral unions and brotherhoods. A special place among moral relations is occupied by family-marriage relations. Family forms are diverse and volatile.

Strong bonds between people, which are formed on the basis of moral choices, arise already in primitive society (sisterhood and postsriemstvo). In the future, communities are created that are no longer based on blood ties, but on the coincidence of moral goals, for example, the institution of monasticism. The solution of moral tasks in monastic orders is carried out, nevertheless, by immoral means: a cowardly flight from life, an attempt to hide from it behind the monastic walls. Monastic associations began to arise among some peoples almost simultaneously with the collapse of the primitive communal system. For example, in India, they were originally fraternities of beggars. The devastation of the communes and their impoverishment was like the “flip side of the medal” - the accumulation of wealth by patrimonial nobility, the military elite and the priesthood, who took to their hands the communal lands and other wealth that belonged to earlier genera.

Morality is necessarily present in all relations between people - not only friendly, but also economic, political, legal.

Moral activity exists in two plans.

1. As a moral and educational activities. First of all, it is the upbringing of the younger generation: the transfer to it of spiritual values ​​accumulated by previous generations, and training. Starting from learning the native language, which is already carried out from infancy, a person comprehends and assimilates moral values, for lively speech - “real awareness” - contains moral knowledge, including moral values ​​and moral attitudes. The languages ​​of primitive peoples give a lot of reliable evidence regarding the origin of some moral concepts and customs. For example, the language of Tasmanians who have preserved the relations of the Stone Age longer than other nations is a precious source in the history of morality. The vocabulary of the Tasmanian language is extremely poor (only a few hundred owls). Tasmanians have not even created words to express such concepts as “cold”, “warm”, “length”, “width”, “height”. To denote hardness, they spoke “like a stone,” while hot they said “like fire”, etc. Tasmanians were able to count only up to 10, using the fingers for the counting. They did not know the concepts of a religious-mystical nature: "spirit", "soul", "devil", "god", "ghost", "sign", "afterlife", etc. However, to designate the essential moral qualities of the Tasmanians quite a rich set of terms: kind, cheerful, quiet, sullen, cruel boy, grumpyman, shameless. This feature of the Tasmanian language confirms the assumption that moral evaluations of people are, apparently, the oldest layer of conceptual thinking.

2. Moral activity is the moment or side of other types of human activity: industrial, political, scientific, artistic. It constitutes the moral motive of activity — the desire to do good, fulfill duty, defend personal honor and dignity, etc. The rules of individual behavior arose in ancient times, under the primitive communal system. These rules are distinguished by the widest diversity among different peoples and at different times; they are considered norms of decency and decency, and in every social community possess considerable stability, being enshrined in customs. Customs for a long time undergo those conditions and specifically historical circumstances by which they were once directly determined, and therefore in new conditions seem meaningless and incomprehensible.

For example, a kuvada is a custom preserved by non-short nations and consisting in the fact that during the birth of a wife, a husband is obliged to shout and moan in unison with a woman in labor, stimulating childbirth and as if participating in childbirth. This custom is a relic of matriarchy and was intended to certify the fact of paternity.

Rules of conduct can be typologized according to several criteria.

First, on social communities: estates, classes, corporations. For example, in a feudal society, the rules of conduct for a gentleman and a serf peasant differed radically. Arrogance, arrogance, panache, arrogance, ceremoniousness were considered the rules of conduct or mandatory signs of a good tone for the gentleman. For the serf peasant, such norms of behavior were considered obligatory, which expressed and reinforced his humility, meekness and obedience. Through the entire history of human society (after the collapse of the primitive communal system) are written and unwritten rules of conduct for military commanders and ordinary soldiers, nobles and servants, slave owners and slaves, craftsmen and apprentices.

Secondly, the rules of behavior should be typed by sex and age. For the elderly, the norms are considered: slowness in judgment, degree, calm, condescending attitude towards the younger. In turn, the younger in relation to elders moral norm prescribes respect and obedience: popular custom prohibits young people from sitting in the presence of elders, interrupting them in conversation, etc. Significantly different rules of conduct for men and women, boys and girls. In some nations, the moral norm prohibits a woman to appear outside the house with an open face, so women there wear a special veil on their heads: a veil or veil.

Thirdly, behavior from the point of view of ethics should be divided into two large classes: moral behavior and immoral behavior. Moral behavior is considered to be such behavior, which is more or less strictly corresponds to the applicable moral standards enshrined in the customs. The norms of morality due to certain historical circumstances change, so the idea of ​​morality and immorality of behavior changes.

In concrete historical human communities, moral behavior , relationships, and activity are stable and certain. They are fixed by customs, which are observed unconsciously, for they are stereotypes of behavior and relationships, they are taken for granted the norms of everyday life. Customs do not depend on one another and are supported by the power of tradition. For example, Levirate is a custom by which a widow has the right (or obligation) to marry the brother of her late husband. Levirat is a relic of group marital relations that existed under the early tribal system. Group marriage has long disappeared, and the custom of the Levirate continues to exist in the life of some peoples of Asia and Africa, the North Caucasus and Central Asia. Through custom, the transfer and preservation of moral values ​​to future generations.

The norms of moral behavior are inextricably linked with the sphere of moral consciousness. Any act is recorded and evaluated, regardless of whether the person gives himself this report or not. Let us single out in the moral consciousness two most important points: moral experiences and the ordinary everyday level of moral consciousness.

Moral experiences are feelings of sympathy and antipathy, resentment and approval, affection and disgust, trust and distrust. They constitute, apparently, the most ancient layer of the moral structure of man. It guesses the social instincts inherited by man from his biological predecessors. For example, a sense of modesty in girls appears with the first signs of the formation of sex, at an age when morality is out of the question. This feeling is an exclusively human property, an undoubted sign of humanity. Animals feel shame, they lack even remote analogies of such feelings.

The everyday level of moral consciousness has the character of a standard and is imprinted in language, in popular wisdom (in the form of proverbs, sayings, speech turns, fables, fairy tales and other works of oral folk art). Everyday consciousness is spontaneous and is guided by two opposing factors: tradition (on the one hand) and changing living conditions (on the other). Popular moral wisdom is a normative ethic at the level of common sense.

Today there is a wide and growing interest in a deeper understanding of the foundations of morality, its main categories: good, duty, responsibility, faith, hope, love, truth, freedom, compassion, pity. At the same time, we realize that morality is not relative, not situational, that it cannot be tied to any current social or political interests, and expresses the very essence of humanity, is the core of spiritual culture.

The basis of morality is the recognition of the value of good, in other words, the perception of life and the world as giving light, joy, festive attitude. There are complex processes in history and society that can lead to a fall and a rise, enslavement and liberation of a person. And the greatest responsibility is to understand the appearance of good and evil, to find its place in the struggle between good and evil forces. Without acknowledgment of gratitude, meaningfulness of the world and historical process, it is difficult to substantiate moral choice, to fill human freedom with positive spiritual content. Freedom imposes liability. The moral choice is difficult, and sometimes tragic. But without freedom, there is no hope of the victory of good. And without hope, even simple, everyday duties, not to mention long-term, strategic moral goals, become fulfilled. Hope is a projection of our being into the future, based on the love of faith. Dislike for the world, unbelief and hopelessness is a source of moral decline, deep soul disorder, leading to social apathy, disintegration of human connections, the triumph of evil. Belief in the fact that the world, life, every moment, like the whole of eternity, has an imperishable meaning, that it is revealed to us in each of our actions, gives us the strength to do good and fight against evil.

Doing good is not an obligation, not an achievement. This is a normal, natural manifestation of humanity. A person who does not do good, lives a life of impairment. He cannot be happy, he cannot grow spiritually. To do good is to reduce suffering, help yourself and others to become cleaner, kinder, to create and give to people. Every good deed makes the world better, reduces the likelihood of quarrels, conflicts. The act, dictated by irritation, hatred, undermines faith in good, separates people. Thus, it depends on us whether we contribute to the “escalation of good” or the “escalation of evil” in the world. After all, a small evil can easily cause a big one. The one who was insulted today was forced to suffer, tomorrow he will do the same for the other. In the same way, perfect good will be multiplied in the actions of those whom we have been able to bestow.

With the moral requirements of doing good and not doing evil, the other two are connected: to thank for good and to compensate for the damage done, in whatever way it may be expressed. Gratitude for kindness and repentance, a request for forgiveness do not degrade the person who is in charge, do not detract from his merits. By the ability to thank and admit our mistakes, we unerringly learn about the moral development of a person. A city man fights if he is right, and asks for forgiveness, tries to repair the damage if he is to blame.

Participation in society and in history implies faith in good. But such faith is not at all a manifestation of complacency, unclouded optimism. It cannot be said that “all is for the better in this best of all worlds”. We create a good, harmonious, humane world. But not everything depends on us. We cannot create a society in which everyone would be always and evenly happy, where there would be no conflicts, tragic accidents. Each person has his own destiny, and it should be accepted with dignity. We must learn with patience and courage to endure adversity. Evil is the same reality as good. Moral culture could be defined as the strategy and tactics of fighting evil. Morality is loyalty. If you promised something, if someone relies on you, then we must not forget about it. Even if temptations arise, if you feel a breakdown, try to do what you promised. Or do not promise at all. If a person loves you, hopes for you, believes you, do not betray him. Faith and trust, as well as love and hope, are values ​​that are not easy to cultivate, strengthen, but which are easy to destroy. It is difficult to regain lost love, hope and faith. Loyalty is a cement that holds human relationships together and guarantees their reliability. Without loyalty to the word, professional and civic duty, commitment, there can be no healthy society, a developed modern civilization.

Justice is one of the most moral concepts. In the course of history, it develops and enriches. It clarifies the correspondence between rights and obligations, work and remuneration, crime and punishment, merit and public recognition. Today we are moving away from primitive ideas of justice as universal equality, we reject the idea of ​​punishment as revenge, we recognize that any violence, the deliberate deprivation of a person’s life is unacceptable.The demand for justice is most often addressed to those who judge, dispose of the fate of people and public resources. To be fair does not mean to be only kind and honest. It also means to be wise, to be able to weigh all the pros and cons, not to succumb to the mood. Justice is a social and moral concept. The scope of its applicability in personal relationships is limited. Of course, even between spouses and close friends, the question of justice often arises. But in these cases it takes an extremely thin character and cannot be deduced from generally significant norms.

К числу нравственных норм принадлежит требование самосовершенствования. Легко понять, что оно предполагает, с одной стороны, признание человеком своего совершенства, неполноты своих знаний, недостатков характера. То, что раньше называли смирением и что противостоит гордости, которую считали грехом. Смирение не есть рабство, покорность, но лишь осознание того, что каждый человек лишь частично приобщен к мировой мудрости. С другой стороны, идея самосовершенствования предполагает веру человека в себя, признание своей ценности и значимости. Я верю, что кое на что способен, что во мне есть “искра Божья”, что я могу добиться чего-то, если захочу.

Self-improvement is not achieved by simply increasing the amount of knowledge or, even more, by training muscles and memory. A person develops not quantitatively, but qualitatively, if he has chosen the right path, the cause he serves. Serving the cause — science, art, truth, and beauty, as well as serving another person — is a cultivation path. Gaining fame and popularity does not lead to perfection.

Почему мы обязаны развивать свои силы, способности, таланты? Ответ, видимо, состоит в том, что они, как и наше здоровье, как и наш разум, не являются только нашей собственностью. Ведь природа работала много лет, прежде чем ей удалось создать человека. Наш организм, с его сложнейшим устройством, с даром мысли, речи, точностью чувств – разве все это не есть вверенное нам достояние, которое мы обязаны беречь и приумножать? Мы не имеем права губить свой талант, предаваться лени, не имеем права разрушить орзанизм алкоголем, заглушать в себе совесть, когда она требует нас к ответу. Пренебрегая своим развитием, не заботясь о своем здоровье, мы тем самым перекладываем бремя забот о нас на общество и близких. Человеческие грехи и пороки коренятся не только в дурных страстях, они вырастают также из душевной пустоты и лени.

Мы попытались здесь кратко обосновать всеобщие нормы нравственности, которые формируются в каждом человеке с первых лет жизни. Это не конкретные, ситуативные нормы, а устойчивые элементы нравственного сознания. На первый взгляд они кажутся абстрактными. Однако если человек не верит в то, что нужно делать добро, быть верным, быть справедливым, то и конкретные нормы типа “работай добросовестно”, “уважай чужой труд”, “люби свою Родину”, “возвращай долги”, теряют для него убедительность.

Нормы, конечно, не исчерпывают собою содержание нравственности. Когда нравственные поступки (скажем, помощь, подарок) не сопровождаются проявлениями любви, симпатии, а совершаются только по обязанности, это производит неприятное впечатление. Нужно уметь делать добро, дарить его людям таким образом, чтобы дар можно было принять.

Общие нормы не следует также понимать буквально. Быть верным-не значит быть рабски послушным. Когда перед вами выбор: быть верным данному человеку или быть верным принципу, то нужно хорошо подумать, как поступить. Но нет необходимости перед каждым малозначительным поступком спрашивать себя, соответствует ли он нравственной норме. Культура в том и состоит, что свободные порывы личности проникаются нравственным содерданием, а планы, проекты действий прорабатываются разумом с участием нравственных чувств.

Для понимания того, что я могу и должен делать в данной ситуации, недостаточно знания общих норм. Ведь на каждом человеке лежит особого рода ответственность. Строго говоря, нравственная проблема возникает как раз тогда, когда именно я, и никто другой, должен сделать выбор. Иногда выполнение долга требует мобилизации сил, концентрации внимания. В других случаях трудность состоит в выборе эффективных средств. Средства должны быть нравственными. Но, как справедливо рассуждает В. Дудинцев в своем романе “Белые одежды”, перед лицом господствующего зла добро не должно быть чересчур простодушным. Добрый должен быть также и сильным, уметь, если нужно, перехитрить зло.

Нравственная культура предполагает как уважение к традиции, общепринятым образцам поведения, так и умение найти свое, творческое решение. В тех случаях, когда мы сталкиваемся с “вечными” проблемами, универсальными ситуациями, такими, как рождение и смерть, болезнь и здоровье, молодость и старость, любовь и супружество, очень важно прислушаться к традиции, действовать в согласии с этикетом. Так мы поздравляем с юбилеем, приносим соболезнования, уступаем место старшему и т.п. Гораздо больше творчества, мудрости нужно там, где ситуация неординарна, где лучших намерений и ясно осознаваемой цели недостаточно. Например, в отношениях с сослуживцами, членами своей семьи, подростками мудрость состаит в том, чтобы не добиваться полного и окончательного решения какого-либо конфликтного вопороса сию же минуту в свою пользу. Пусть остануться некоторое недопонимание, недосказанность. Если общая стратегия верна, то жизнь в конце концов все раставит по местам. Категоричность, излишняя принципиальность не всегда идут на пользу делу. Но бывает, конечно, ситуации, когда действие должно быть точным, быстрым и совершенно конкретным. Если кто-то обидно и несправедоиво съязвил в ваш адрес, упрекнул в недобросовестности, лучше ответить тотчас же, чем ходить с обидой в душе несколько дней.

Morality from the psychological side is manifested in the form of feelings, reasoning, and volitional decisions.

Emotionality, that is, discipline, development and wealth of feelings, is a very important element of moral culture. Thanks to sensual contact, a person is more interesting, he understands the shades of someone else's mood more easily, freely experiences seriousness and humor.

Никто не застрахован от ревности, жадности, вспыльчивости, честолюбия. Но предаваться этим чувствам, не стараясь сдерживаться,- недостойно культурного человека. Это так называемые “атавистические” чувство. Их можно направить и в полезное, творческое русло. Не так уж плохо, если человек жаден до новых знаний, завидует тем, кто много работает, вспыльчив, когда видит несправедливость. Главная сторона эмоциональной культуры – это развитие положительных творческих и коммуникативных чувств: интереса к беседе, филосовскому спору, сорадования и сострадания.

Бедность эмоций создает у людей психологическую отчужденность, которая вызывает психологический дискомфорт. При длительном общении нарастает недовольство эмоционально вялым, неотзывчивым на чувство партнером. Такое недовольство часто выливается в ссору.

From a moral point of view it is not necessary to avoid a quarrel. Sometimes call things with their names, find out the relationship is necessary. A good fight can be better than a bad world. One thing is important: to control your level of “aggressiveness”, not to allow expressions, gestures that are offensive and unfair. Feelings need to be able to freely express. Timidity, shyness, although not as pleasant as insolence and rudeness, still cannot be considered virtues. The worn, languid, inexpressive manner of communication, as well as aggression, the tendency to dominate are signs of a low moral-emotional culture.

Religion and philosophy. However, many formalities formed an imbalance, a “complexing”, close to neurosis. Therefore, it should be possible for each person to increase their emotional culture.

The basis of morality are reason and reasoning. Norma demands: “Do good!”. But what is good for this person at this moment? If, for example, our child is stubborn, rude, lazy, what good will be for him? Reliability? Angry shout? Personal example? Often there is no lack of good feelings and intentions. But in order to realize them, say, in the process of upbringing, you need pedagogy and psychology, and most importantly, the oldest themselves understand the essence of the problem, assess the character of your child or of any other person you have to deal with. It is rightly said that in order to understand a person, you need to love him. But another thing is also true: to be fair, to do good, to live not by lies, you need to understand people, know life, have something to say and advise.

The highest level of moral culture is philosophical ethical wisdom. It is expressed in fairy tales, sayings, aphorisms, in poetry and prose of great artists of the word. In wisdom, thought is as if compressed, concentrated, connected with assessment, opinion, attitude to life. Its peculiarity is paradoxical. Wisdom answers the most difficult problems of life, taking into account the earthly, practical foundations of our existence and lofty ideals. Wisdom is perceptive, but not cynical, instructive, but not instructive, universal, but not formal. Everyone will find something in it for himself, for his own occasion. Socrates said: “I know that I know nothing!”. This statement may seem at first glance meaningless, internally contradictory. In addition, the false: after all, Socrates was a great sage and was not at all a timid, humble man. However, pondering on his words, we find in them all new and increasing depth. The same is true of the aphorism “What you hide, it is lost, that you have given yours away!”. A.K. In one of the poems, Tolstoy says: “Do not believe, as the stars soar, a happy chosen one to share. Do not believe, in the depths of the fall, that you will not see the stars more ”. Perhaps this couplet contains more moral depth than in many volumes of scientific writings.

Is it possible to briefly express the essence of ethical wisdom? The first step is usually considered to be the liberation from false opinions, vain desires, false authorities. The second step is the knowledge of oneself, as well as the nature of man in its integrity and inconsistency. The third step is the gradual mastering of the experience of life, the development of a clear and courageous view of life, history, the fate of man. Of course, these steps can only be distinguished theoretically. Wisdom also says: “Momento mori!” - “Remember death!”. This means that the lifetime is limited. Therefore, we should not hurry, fuss. You need to be attentive, collected, well thought out the main tasks of life and act in full measure of strength.

Concluding the conversation on the moral foundations of etiquette, it should be emphasized that the moral significance of etiquette lies in the fact that in the end they record respect for the personality of the other and their motivation began in the historical process of the cultural development of mankind. “Etiquette acquires special value by facilitating communication and mutual understanding, helping to protect and safeguard the honor and dignity of a person,” A. Titarenko emphasizes. “Etiquette, protecting the dignity of each individual in terms of cultural behavior, generally contributes to the development of humanistic human relationship ... "